Here with me

In my head, I have dreams.

I have visions of many things.

Questions, longings in my mind.

Pictures fill my head 

I feel so lost instead

But, lost doesn't seem so bad when you are here.

It doesn't mean anything

without you here with me

Well I can try to justify

But I still need you here with me

In my heart, I had hope

Built on dreams I'll never know

Answers to love left behind.

Visions fill my head.

I feel so trapped instead

But, trapped doesn't seem so bad when you are here.

It doesn't mean anything

without you here with me

Well I can try to justify

But I still need you here with me

I can't do anything without you

You give me strength to do anything

Well I can't be everything I try to be

You save me from the everything, I couldn't be

You save me

It doesn't mean anything

without you here with me

Well I can try to justify

But I still need you here with me

I need you here with me.

Stranded

You know it only breaks my heart.
To see you standing in the dark.
Alone, you're waiting there for me,
To come back. But I'm too afraid to show

That it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me.
Crashing like a tidal wave
It drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing live tidal wave.
I don't wanna be stranded.

I can only take so much.
These tears are turning me to rust.
Cause I know you're waiting there for me
To come back. But I'm too afraid to show

That it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me.
Crashing like a tidal wave
It drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing live tidal wave.
I don't wanna be stranded.

I miss you, I need you.
Without you I'm stranded.
I love you, so come back.
I'm not afraid to show

That it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me.
Crashing like a tidal wave
It drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing live tidal wave.
I don't wanna be stranded.

Hang On

I'm so stubborn, that's how I got here.

So alone. Feels like forever.

I wanna swim away and breathe the open air.

But I feel so afraid, then I hear you say.

Hang on, when the water is rising

Hang on, when the waves are crashing.

Hang on, just don't ever let go.

I'm so hungry, how can I stay here?

Starving, for what I hold so dear. 

Like a hurricane, it takes everything from me.

Wake me from this dream.

Hang on, when the water is rising.

Hang on, when the waves are crashing.

Hang on, just don't ever let go

Hang on, when you're barely breathing

Hang on, when your heart is still beating

Hang on, just don't ever let go.

Three days, thirty years.

So hopeless, doesn't matter.

Don't say it's too late.

If you blink your eyes, the sun is rising.

Sorry, I lied.

Sorry. 
I know I said this blog would be strictly for lyric purposes, but lately, I have been feeling too much at once, and I don't know how to handle it. I feel like I have lost everything. Am I being dramatic? I lost a job that paid well with great benefits, I am scared to death of where I am at in life and I just don't know how to cope with everything. 
This overwhelming pressure of anxiety on my chest is making it impossible to sleep. I want things to get better. They have to get better. Everyone I loved, everyone I cared about is going away. Why is life getting so lonely? The choices I've made.. Do I deserve this? I made the choices I did, so I suppose I do deserve it all.
I can't change anything. I have to keep going no matter how hard it gets. I have two people who depend on me. They need me to be strong, even if I feel like I can't. Lately, my weight has been up and down. Lowest point, 94 pounds. The doctors threatened to send me to a facility to get my weight up. They wanted to shove a tube up my nose and force calories in me.
Now, at 115, they are happy that I am right where they want me to be. My bones no longer show. I don't look emaciated. 
I can't make any more mistakes. If I lose weight again, I could lose everything. I can't afford to lose everything. What would live be worth living if I had nothing?

Deadly Beauty

Story of a girl who lost her world so she could be beautiful...

Fifteen, so sweet, you'd think
But she's got a secret.
Made up her mind the day she came
To find out he left.
I Guess there's another girl
This time blue eyes and blonde hair
She'll do anything to catch his eye
But she knows she'll never compare.

Skips school, won't eat, can barely sleep
Takes drastic measures. 
Runs seven miles a day in the sun
Wearing a sweater
She turn's the radio on, so no one hears what she's doing
Cause she's convinced herself he'll come back to her when she's perfect.

She's just a girl who doesn't know she's already beautiful
One year ago if you had seen her you would never know
This would be only out for every time she's broken down
And hates herself
For everything that's wrong in live
Looks in the mirror to criticize
She'd rather be beautiful than alive.

Nineteen, one shrink, two times a week
But nothing is changing.
Mom cries at night for her life
Cause she knows she is fading
She's trying to turn around
but she's too far in the wrong direction
it wasn't supposed to be this way
All she wanted was some attention

She's just a girl who doesn't know she's already beautiful
Five years ago if you had seen her you would never know
This would be only out for every time she's broken down
And hates herself
For everything that's wrong in live
Looks in the mirror to criticize
She'd rather be beautiful than alive.

Twenty three now, she buried underneath red rose.
I'm gonna miss her and I hope someone learns from this
Maybe she's happy now, maybe she's finally free
Of not feeling good enough. Maybe she's rid of disease. 

She's just a girl who didn't know she was already beautiful
Seven years ago if you had seen her you would never know
This would be only out for every time she's broken down
And hates herself
For everything that's wrong in live
Looks in the mirror to criticize
She'd rather be beautiful than alive.

Silent

Pray for them
I often lose track
So I took a drag
Of my first cigarette 
And I found my head
Rolled down the dumps
Of twenty seventh street

I drew a sketch
with lipstick and sidewalk
Of Newport's edge
Legoblock cliffs
And an ocean that doesn't deserve of silence
I swear, on a dead artist grave

That I found a spot
Where the drunk never got to
And it rocks me gently
Silent, Silent
If I never surface
It doesn't matter
Hold my breath
It's silent, silent.

Diligent
Escape by the water
Not sick of it
It only gets harder
That's no excuse
To block all the cliches and reasons
for kicks

He strokes her hair
Both sitting on sand
and her shoulders bare
nothing to demand of them
Laying back on a lonely stone wall

And passersby, look past it all.

That I found a spot
Where the drunk never got to
And it rocks me gently
Silent, Silent
If I never surface
It doesn't matter
Hold my breath
It's silent, silent.

Tears Fall

I've had this same dream many times, it haunts my mind
It starts with a life but it ends every time
Oh, so many faces that this world will never see
A reason for your life but your heart will never beat

May the tears fall down
Let them soften this ground
May our hearts be found
God, forgive us now

Oh, what have we lost because we chose we'll never know
And loving You is better than feeling alone
And all our claims to freedom have become these heavy chains
And in the name of rights we keep filling nameless graves

May our tears fall down
Let them soften this ground
May our hearts be found
God, forgive us now

Let the tears fall down
Let them soften this ground
Let our hearts be found
God, forgive us now