I know I said this blog would be strictly for lyric purposes, but lately, I have been feeling too much at once, and I don't know how to handle it. I feel like I have lost everything. Am I being dramatic? I lost a job that paid well with great benefits, I am scared to death of where I am at in life and I just don't know how to cope with everything.
This overwhelming pressure of anxiety on my chest is making it impossible to sleep. I want things to get better. They have to get better. Everyone I loved, everyone I cared about is going away. Why is life getting so lonely? The choices I've made.. Do I deserve this? I made the choices I did, so I suppose I do deserve it all.
I can't change anything. I have to keep going no matter how hard it gets. I have two people who depend on me. They need me to be strong, even if I feel like I can't. Lately, my weight has been up and down. Lowest point, 94 pounds. The doctors threatened to send me to a facility to get my weight up. They wanted to shove a tube up my nose and force calories in me.
Now, at 115, they are happy that I am right where they want me to be. My bones no longer show. I don't look emaciated.
I can't make any more mistakes. If I lose weight again, I could lose everything. I can't afford to lose everything. What would live be worth living if I had nothing?